What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
