Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
