i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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