to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
