East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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