he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
