I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
