it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize