Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would ride that face into the sunset
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
