Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
