I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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