I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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