Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
