Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
