just tell him i said nine months
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
