she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
