I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When are your genitals available?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
