when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
