Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
