I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
