I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm both gender and math confused
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
