This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
