I want to have your abortion
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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