mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Girls should come with a carfax report
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
