Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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