Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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