she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
