i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
