suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
