I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
