im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
