when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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