I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
