I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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