hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
