i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
