We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
