um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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