I need help removing her.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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