btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
