And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize