...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
