i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
