My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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