You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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