I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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