listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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