Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize