its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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