i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We need a shit load of segways right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
