So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
