She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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