i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
