drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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