He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
