hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
