The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
