Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
