I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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