That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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