im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
