I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize