So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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