im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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