should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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