You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
