what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
