what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
